The online urban dictionary defines a badger as the ugly version of a cougar. So as an overwieght, over thirty, single mother I would probably fall into that category regardless of who I was interested in, and lets face it men naturally aim much younger and choosing someone their own age or similar is just.. well not necesary.
So what is the worst part about being a badger? It's that everyone assumes you are on the prowl or "waddle". It's when I try to mingle where the paranoia hits fever pitch. I worry that every male I talk to regardless of age, relationship or my level of interest is being assessed as out of league by bitchy woman around the room, and even by the men themselves.
I wish it was paranoia, unfortunately I have heard the comments about others all too much, even had a few rumours about myself come back and hit me in the face. So what do we do about it? Not go out? go out but sit inconspicuously in the corner making sure not to talk to any men? In an ideal world we wouldn't let banter like that get to us. This isn't an ideal world.
So as I get ready to go out I push the thoughts of comments of "you can't dress up a turd" out, as I arrive at the pub I push the "bingo was last night" comments out, as I order a drink I push out the "don't think they sell your spritzer here" thought out, when I go to the bathroom I try to ignore the look of the thin pretty twenty somethings who think they are "never going to end up like her", on my way back to my friends I may run into someone I know to chat to for a bit, God help me if he's male. The brain goes crazy with the "look who she's trying to pick up", "move on grandma" and "poor guy" comments. By the time I get safely back to my friends, my own thoughts and paranoia have decimated what was left of my self esteem.
Then I get comfortable talking to someone and slowly but surely all those insecurities seep away, a handsome yet lovingly chubby tradesman was more than happy to talk to me, which would be better if the topic wasn't how great his wife is. Then there is the hot young guy that I can actually have an intelligent conversation with until he decides it's time to go hunting for a root for the night. I try talking to women, but I'm shit at it, or they don't like me cause I'm single... not sure.
Either way I spend a lot of the night looking for my friends who dont' seem to have any of my hang ups, or if they do, they are effortlessly concealing it as they dazzle the men around the room. Maybe it is all in my head. I really wish I could beleive that.
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